Funny Status Ideas

You're one of a kind! Thank goodness...

Don't ask me how old I am on my birthday. It'll make me feel old and hate myself rather than be happy that it's my birthday.

I'd share my Netflix login but I'm too embarrassed by "My List".

The boss keeps talking about a company 401k. I don’t think I can run that far...

If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?

Whether you're a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.

When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.