Funny Status Ideas

If someone starts a sentence with “words can’t express,” brace yourself, because they’re about to give it a hell of a try anyways.

I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”

I Just used lotion on my hands and now I can’t get out of the bathroom. Send help!

I don't have to ask my kids to call me. I just change the Netflix password and then don't respond to their texts.

You know you're old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.

Thank you for calling the hug hotline. Please hold.

What if there's no such thing as the Placebo Effect, and instead, sugar just actually cures everything?