Funny Status Ideas

Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?

Daylight savings time feels like a tax refund check. You're just getting back something you didn't want taken from you in the first place.

It's not that I like watching midget porn, it's just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.

I've never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.

Kid's Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren't allowed to vote.

A bachelor party is more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.

The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.