Funny Status Ideas

My doctor said he's been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?

I'm beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.

Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.

What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?

I put the 'sexy' in Dyslexic.

Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you'll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.

The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.