Funny Status Ideas

It's not that I like watching midget porn, it's just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.

I've never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.

Kid's Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren't allowed to vote.

A bachelor party is more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.

The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.

If Trump wins I'm leaving the country. If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.

Remember on Sunday to set your clocks back one hour, and then on Tuesday to not set the country back 50 years.