Funny Status Ideas

A few days ago, Stephen Hawking predicted the earth has 1000 years to survive. Where will Keith Richards go if that happens?

BLACK FRIDAY: Because only in America do we trample each other for sales, just one day after being thankful for what we already have.

I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

If men could choose the gender of their unborn children, the human race would die out in a single generation, but we'd get a few decades of incredible football.

Aw cheer up Mike Pence. Getting booed isn't the worst thing to happen to a Republican at a theater.

I'm running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?

It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.