Funny Status Ideas

We used to experiment with launching monkeys into space. Now it is CEOs. Progress.

WalMart is giving away free school clothes to anyone that can outrun security

Jury Duty is where the government calls you when they want and says, "Hey Bro, we need you to solve a murder, here's $15.00."

A man had an accident while playing Peekaboo. He’s currently in the ICU

It’s July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting out the Christmas stuff out any day now.

You know you bought the right fireworks when the guy running the stand gives you a “high four”

Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There's like 10 women to each man and they're already there looking for things they don't need.