Funny Status Ideas

If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it's always perfume.

Dear Congress: Just turn off the lights, lock the doors and remain quiet... just like our schools have been doing the last decade

We have a $740+ BILLION defense budget and the rest of the world just watched our Capitol get stormed by the cast rejects of Duck Dynasty.

Farting under the covers it’s not longer a “Dutch oven”. It has become a COVID test. If you can smell or taste it, you’re negative.

Why should I trust the toothpaste recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists when they're the ones who make money fixing people's teeth?

I just called my bank and told them I want to find 11,780 more dollars in my account by tomorrow and that they counted wrong.

Shout out to all the dads who got chores list cleverly disguised as Home Depot gift cards for Christmas