Funny Status Ideas

My New Year's resolution is to be more punctual.

Children are the greatest gift of all, but punch some holes in the box so they can breathe.

Remember when the air at gas stations for your tires was free? Good times, good years.

Leprechauns are just Santa's elves who got fired from the workshop for drinking on the job.

Every McDonald's should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is broken.

The clock in my car is right again... a victory for procrastination.

At the age of 91 we discovered two lumps in grandma's breast, we were so relieved the doctors discovered it was just her knees.