Funny Status Ideas

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
‪The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.‬
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I'm 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
1990 called, they want their joke about what year it is back.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
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