Funny Status Ideas

Humans are 75% water, basically cucumbers with anxiety.

The only blizzard conditions I am interested in are from Dairy Queen.

I don't want to party like it's 1999, I want to grocery shop like it is 1999.

I kinda wish Dolly Parton sang 10-2 Instead

The problem with daylight savings time is around midnight you start to feel like you're struggling to stay awake before you realize it's only 7:00 p.m.

I will be mailing out a W-2 on January 5th for everyone who was up in my business this year.

Me: I can do whatever I want through Christ who strengthens me Attorney: ok but again, as your lawyer I strongly advise you to not say that in court