Funny Status Ideas

Has anybody actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?
#17662
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Xyuppi
I’m tired of people complaining about $7.00 dollars beers, $10.00 dollars parking, and $20.00 dollars cover charge. Don’t like the prices? Stop coming to my house.
#17661
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Xyuppi
Just give the Hedge Funds a 600 dollars check. They will be fine.
I was playing air drums to Rush in my car and lost a stick out the window. I had to change over to Def Leppard.
The Buccaneers perfectly captured the spirit of Tampa Bay by their feature player being a middle aged man who spent his career in the northeast and then moved to Florida to retire.
#17658
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Kristian Alekov
Me: [donating body to Science] Science: [donates my body to Goodwill]
#17657
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Kristian Alekov
Jesus invited prostitutes to dine with and he’s the light of the world, I do it and I’m “making Thanksgiving awkward.”
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