Funny Status Ideas

When I wrap gifts myself, I tell everyone a child did it so it's adorable instead of pathetic.

The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.

I'll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you're 23."

If only Vincent van Gogh would have cut off his left ear, his hearing would have been all right.

I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn't have to bend over to pick up dog poop.

‪I will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia. ‬