Funny Status Ideas

Something I have in common with Mariah Carey- I don't know the words to her songs either.

If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.

Text messaging is ruining my social skills. I’m way funnier when I have five minutes to think of some witty response than I am when you’re standing right in front of me

If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren't there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?

I'll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way.

Are walruses just vampire manatees?

If you can't say anything nice, say something clever, but devastating.