Funny Status Ideas

Text messaging is ruining my social skills. I’m way funnier when I have five minutes to think of some witty response than I am when you’re standing right in front of me

If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren't there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?

I'll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way.

Are walruses just vampire manatees?

If you can't say anything nice, say something clever, but devastating.

30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he's adopted.

My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.