Funny Status Ideas

I'm a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don't care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.

Donald Trump's hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.

I tend to avoid things that make look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs

I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.

One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.

Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07

I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it's in walking distance.