Funny Status Ideas

I'd be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.

The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.

Be careful out there! Today's the one day you're most likely to meet time travelers on a desperate mission from the future.

I guess orange really IS the new black...

At this rate, even the Chuck E. Cheese's animatronic band will decline to play Trump's Inauguration.

DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.

Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable