Funny Status Ideas

I tend to avoid things that make look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs

I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.

One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.

Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07

I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it's in walking distance.

I don't really WANT to make bad choices; but I'm always late, and all the good choices are already taken..

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?