Funny Status Ideas

I want my tombstone to say "It didn't make me stronger."

Never go to bed angry. Stay up all night plotting revenge.

"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln's last Tweet.

Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.

Police officers are like spiders. I know they're useful to have around, but whenever I see one I get really nervous.

I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.

Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.