Funny Status Ideas

That's the last time I ask Jesus to bring the water for the AA meeting...

I wouldn't mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn't know them all so well.

I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.

After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.

Who called them contractions and not birthquakes?

A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that's why I weigh myself in the mornings.