Funny Status Ideas

I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it's fighting fire with fire!

It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.

Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.

I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.

The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”

Stalin should have known communism doesn't work. There were red flags everywhere.

If you step on someone's foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.