Funny Status Ideas

The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...

Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.

It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that's what the restraining order says.

The ruling on the field stands. Aaron Hernandez did not get both feet on the ground in time.

You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.

Some people should come with subtitles.