Funny Status Ideas

Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet..

I am size Medium but with size XXL I can breath better.

Ice cream truck driver is the only profession where's its socially acceptable to drive to neighborhoods and lure children.

Why do people use the phrase "work like a dog"? I wish I worked like my dog. I would sleep 18 hours a day.

I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

Canned cranberry sauce is ribbed for your pleasure.

Need to get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays? Put it in Amazon boxes and leave it on your front porch.