Funny Status Ideas

United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.

Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...

Last night I had a pillow fight using my memory foam pillow. It's a fight I'll never forget.

If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.

I'm never free but I'm available.

Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes