Funny Status Ideas

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...

Last night I had a pillow fight using my memory foam pillow. It's a fight I'll never forget.

If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.

I'm never free but I'm available.

Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes

I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.

I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn't worry me.