Funny Status Ideas

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.

Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.

I need something that's more than coffee but less than cocaine.

I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.

If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.

If my mother in law had her own music genre it would be heavy meddle.

I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.