Funny Status Ideas

I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!

You lost your phone and it's on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.

I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I'm in whey over my head.

I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.

How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard.

"Lmao" - a French cat

Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection's map for gas money is reaching a new low.