Funny Status Ideas

‪The 5 second rule does not apply when you have a 2 second dog. ‬

Never ask a prostitute what they'll do for a Klondike bar…

So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn't the best response. Who knew?

I love those signs you see on telephone poles that say Work from home! Make easy money! Be your own boss and make your own hours! Which makes you wonder, if its so easy why is someone out there busting their butt hanging signs?

In Moana, the chicken has to be told not to eat rocks. Also in Moana, The Rock has to be told not to eat the chicken.

Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.

Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.