Funny Status Ideas

If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll definitely turn around and look.

When my wife said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkeys, I didn't believe her. Then I saw her face. . .

Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?

Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?

Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don't they get taller dancers?

What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want it? NNNEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWW!