Funny Status Ideas

It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses

If I was Columbia Drug Lord. I'd dye the cocaine black then fill printer toner cartridges with it. I could charge double for toner vs charging for just cocaine. Would be legal too!

What number SPF blocks people?

90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.

The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.

I just want my house to be clean enough so that if someone drops by unexpectedly it doesn't look like we're six days into battling a poltergeist.

A solar eclipse is the cosmic equivalent of the bouncing DVD logo going perfectly into a corner.