Funny Status Ideas

What number SPF blocks people?

90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.

The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.

I just want my house to be clean enough so that if someone drops by unexpectedly it doesn't look like we're six days into battling a poltergeist.

A solar eclipse is the cosmic equivalent of the bouncing DVD logo going perfectly into a corner.

Don't look at the eclipse through a colander. You'll strain your eyes.

It's Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I've spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.