Funny Status Ideas

If the Constitution gives us the right to bear arms; does that mean we have the right to have bare feet as well?

I'm beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.

If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.

Birthdays are like real life leveling up. At first they're an important and celebrated event, but towards the end they become less and less meaningful until they're only a testament to how much time you've spent on the game.

If someone says "I'm a sub-par golfer" does that mean they're good at golf, or bad?

If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?

If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you're walking.