Funny Status Ideas

I tried to use Beef Stew as my computer password but apparently it wasn’t “stroganoff”

Joe Exotic doesn't sing Christmas songs because he f#$king hates Carols

We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they'e not.

Everything I know about the Kardashians, I learned against my will.

Jussie Smollett says he is disappointed at the verdict but he isn't isn't going to beat himself up over it.

Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet..

I am size Medium but with size XXL I can breath better.