Funny Status Ideas

Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.

Today's Horoscope: You're gullible.

A friend is typing..........A friend is typing.........A friend is typing..........A friend is typing..........A friend is typing.......A friend is typing.........A friend is typing........A friend is typing...........A friend is typing......... Hey!

Elevator music is just awful on every level.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.

The risk I took was calculated, but MAN am I bad at math.