Funny Status Ideas

Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents

Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.

I'm selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.

I missed the good old days when banks used to give you a toaster when opening an account. Now they just burn you.

I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's OK.

So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who's new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable

Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?