Funny Status Ideas

I'm selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.

I missed the good old days when banks used to give you a toaster when opening an account. Now they just burn you.

I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's OK.

So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who's new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable

Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?

My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...

When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?