Funny Status Ideas

You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.

I was addicted to Tide Pods. But, I’m clean now.

Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?

I should win an Oscar for acting like I'm at work.

Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...

Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.

After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast