Funny Status Ideas

North Korea is like that angry drunk guy at a party. Everyone is trying to calm him down but he's convinced he needs to fight someone.

The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.

If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.

Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.

I think I need to go back and delete some really awful cold hearted resist statuses nobody likes. So not to offend anyone if you can all In-box me your passwords that would great.

Having a bit of a lazy day! I'm sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online. My boss doesn't look amused.

Russia has been accused of using Facebook to win an election. That's probably the most productive thing ever done on Facebook.