Funny Status Ideas

If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?

If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.

If boys screamed at girl bands the way girls scream at boy bands it would be terrifying and hilarious

Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.

The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"

People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.

Being a regular church-goer on Easter is like being a regular gym-goer on New Years