Funny Status Ideas

I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you're finished.

The Simpsons has the same art style as Itchy and Scratchy, so Itchy and Scratchy must be a tv show of real cat and mice .

You can tell what was the best year of your father's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and just ride it out.

Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you'd think they'd cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.

Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached

Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.

The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never sympathized more with women in my life.