Funny Status Ideas

If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.

I don't know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...

It's funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.

My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?

In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.

I am not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.

I went to an Italian restaurant named Bulimia. The line at the bathroom was incredibly long.