Funny Status Ideas

Deaf people don't have safe words, they use stop signs.

I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don't bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.

Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?

I believe in living every day like it's my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.

If I could move things by telekinesis I'd squeeze people's insides and make them fart.

Spiderman's Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.

It's a good thing farting isn't as contagious as yawning.