Funny Status Ideas

‪The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.‬

I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I'm 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.

1990 called, they want their joke about what year it is back.

My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...

Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”

Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.

There is nothing like blowing up fireworks made in China to celebrate America's independence.