Funny Status Ideas

The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.

me: It's not about how many times you fall. It's about how many times you get back up! cop: That's not how field sobriety tests work...

‪Picking your nose doesn't make you a bad person, but what you do with the booger will define you. ‬

Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.

You can say a lot of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly near schools.

Amish girls have no way of knowing if it's a romantic candlelit dinner, or just a regular dinner.

Today I found my first grey pubic hair. Normally this wouldn’t have bothered me, but it was in my egg McMuffin.