Funny Status Ideas

You can't watch the news and drink a glass of water at the same time anymore.

It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.

Every loaf of bread is a tragic story about a field of grain that could have become beer but didn't.

First rule of Fast Food management: Always put the employee with the worst accent on the drive-thru.

I'm just glad chicken breast don't have nipples

All porn videos should start with 5 seconds music to remind you that your volume is turned up

If you get excited that jumping on the bed won't spill the wineglass on the other side, you're probably an alcoholic.