Funny Status Ideas

The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.

I've been trying to fill my head with information. Fortunately, there's plenty of empty space for it

Some people fill their car tires with nitrogen, but I prefer helium. It doesn't help mileage but when I have a blow-out it sounds funnier.

I had a girlfriend who was narcoleptic. She claimed she got it from me. But, God knows how many guys she slept with.

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

math always makes me want to give a blowjob to a really sharp knife