Funny Status Ideas

If a vampire is jewish do they still run from the cross or do u need a star of david???????

My baby is for sale, mama needs a bigger vehicle ;-,,) check out my pics on my profile.

no, actually having a cat is not “just like” having a kid. accidentally swearing at your cat won’t make it grow up to be a stripper.

So I turned my phone onto “airplane mode” and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!

I just discovered that I can power all my appliances with the perkiness of that girl in the Progressive Insurance commercials.

When life gets you down, remember, At least I am not dumb enough to follow a striping truck down the highway AS IT PAINTS YELLOW LINES, ride the FRESHLY PAINTED yellow line & then be shocked there’s yellow paint on my car.

Me, trying to explain to my daughter what a jukebox was: “You know, kinda like an 800-lb. iPod.