Funny Status Ideas

*Shifty eyes* Im gonna hide my number and stalker text my mother…nah thats cruel she’s old *scrolls through my phone for my aunt*

It smells like a stripper in the office

I gotta quit bloody sharting when I laugh

Lord Voldemort doesn't have friends. He has followers. That's why he is on Twitter and not Facebook.

At my funeral I'm going to have a Sharpie chained to the coffin so friends can draw one last dick on my face

If, at any point, you stopped for Hammer Time, I think it is now safe to restart.

Okay, I'll just say it. It's been bugging me for a while now, and I need to get it off my chest… it was me… I let the dogs out.