Funny Status Ideas

Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don’t get it. Moving on.

Forget the “poke” button… I want a “Punch someone in the face so they know how dumb they really are” button.

My Words With Friends game w/my mom always pops up when I'm 'mobile-masturbating.' It's like she knows??

I don't mean to make you fall in love with me, but I just shaved my armpits. #heylaydeez

I just bought a 30pack of toothbrushes because it was on sale 4 $3.99, This is a sign of old age, WTF am I going 2 do with 30 tooth brushes

I can't believe I'm replacing sex with buying things. Not good

You texted me, one time . . . this is about the time you text me again .