Funny Status Ideas

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I'm thinking of investing in a fireworks company. I hear the market is booming!

Kidnapping? I prefer the term "surprise adoption".

Spooning leads to forking.

Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.

I'm gonna give that Stitch a Lilo. Stitches love Lilos.