Funny Status Ideas

Please don't say you just had a newborn baby. If you say you just had a baby, the newborn part is assumed. Nobody thinks you just pushed a 12 year old out of your crotch.

will never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night again!

"I prefer a good cigar, and a bad woman."

SEX won't make him love you. a BABY won't make him stay.

Marriage is a life sentence. Unlike prison however, the way to get out early is BAD behavior.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Kailey: Matt, you'd be a great father... Mom: No, he'd be a shitty father, but a great sperm doner... What does THAT mean?!