Funny Status Ideas

A good pun is its own reword.

Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them!

It's gotta be weird stuffing money into a stripper's bikini when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

There are two reasons why people change. First, they've learned a lot. Second, they've been hurt too much.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

My daughter has decided to become a vegetarian. I'm frying bacon.