Funny Status Ideas

I have noticed that nothing I have never said ever did me any harm.

My wife calls our waterbed the dead sea.

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then, he's finished.

Actual male human just asked if he could lick the bottom of my shoes. I mean, I know they're Charlotte Olympias but WHOA.

If you play a Ke$ha song backwards, you hear messages from Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you hear Ke$ha.

I Don't Have a Bad Handwriting. I have my own Font.