Funny Status Ideas

‘No offense but..’ is a quick way to say ‘I don’t want to argue with you, but I think you’re a moron’

He's 19 and you're 13. That's not dating hun, that's babysitting.

My next-door neighbors recently got divorced for religious reasons -- he thought he was God and she didn't.

Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

OK i shghffghjghkjghjgjghhcbfhheyhfbjsdbdhfbd sjhfbffffffffhdbhsdbhsdbfdhkfbhdsfb whoops,sorry i saw a spider on the keyboard :)

Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil.