Funny Status Ideas

Baby is now 4 days past due date. Now I’m afraid he’s been warned by our other kids.

The birds outside are chirping they seem to know its going to be a good day...oh wait..one just got hit by a car..figures.

Using Latin phrases to sound smart is my modus operandi.

I almost sharted in a long line at the grocery store tonight. The whole time I felt like I was about to mule heroine through airport security.

Crowd surfing makes crop dusting even more enjoyable and effective.

Today sucks more than a tyrannosaurus fielding ground balls.

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man sticks his location inside a woman's destination to increase the population for the next generation do you understand my explanation or do you need a demonstration?