Funny Status Ideas

When I drive if you beep your horn 1 second after the light changes green I will shut off my car, lay on the hood & feed birds for an hour.

Police Scanner just reported a drunk naked idiot wearing snow boots, singing free bird, riding a lawn mower down the highway!

If one synchronized swimmer drowns do the rest all have to drown too?

Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I'll ever get to being a magician

I bet the dude that invented toast just burnt the bread and didn't want to tell anyone.

Trouble brewing at Symphony Hall. It's the bottom of Beethoven's 9th, and the bassists are loaded.

When Bill Gates's life flashes before his eyes, I hope it appears as PowerPoint presentation that employs every cheesy transition & effect.