Funny Status Ideas

Thanks to me, you'll probably start seeing 'For Display Only' signs on the toilets at Home Depot.

Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.

When I get overly proud of America, I simply remember that in 1999 we made Mambo No. 5 a number one hit.

Saw a monarch butterfly today, what made it special is that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on top of a strippers ass.

I would pay so much money to watch the Harlem Globetrotters change a baby.

Every time I start to think that Facebook might be alright after all, I get 30 Farmville requests.

If you can’t be a good example, be a terrible warning.