Funny Status Ideas

Whew. Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.

I wish more things in my life could be blamed on auto correct.

"Fight fire with fire" - unequivocally the worst advice I have ever received. My house just burned even faster.

I've been in line for way longer than expected. I'd probably be inside by now if these Emo kids weren't such cutters.

The internet: Where the inane and stupid go head-to-head with the passionate and misinformed!

If my kid ever asks, I'm telling her that a belly button is just an extra butthole.

I wanna get Transitions Lens LASIK surgery, so that when I'm out in the sun my eyes go black and children will run away from me.